What Comes After Crazy
by starlightxtears
Summary: Want to know how to try winning a girl's heart - and appearing crazy while you're at it? James Potter is just the man you're looking for.
1. Predictability

**Disclaimer:** Imagine this: J.K. Rowling writing Harry Potter fanfiction on this site for nothing at all, while she could earn billions writing an actual book. Deeply disturbing, huh?

* * *

Chapter 1: Predictability

Lily Evans bounded on the Hogwarts Express after saying good-bye to her parents. Her green eyes shone, as did the Head Girl badge on her chest. It was her seventh, and last, year at Hogwarts and she was both excited and apprehensive.

She strode quickly down the train, peeking in the compartments in search of her best friends. Suddenly, she heard someone behind her squeal her name and she spun around, almost losing her balance.

"Annie!" Lily exclaimed as her blonde-haired friend ran over to her. She couldn't believe it; Savannah—not that Lily'd call her Savannah to her face—Wells was more beautiful than when Lily saw her last time. Her clothes have gotten a lot chicer, too. The only thing that hasn't changed was her height; she was still the size of a pixie.

"Hey, Lily, you're the Head Girl!" Anne remarked excitedly, having spotted Lily's badge. "Oh, I've got so much to tell you—we had a fabulous summer touring Europe—where's Emmeline, she has to hear this, too—I met someone while we were in Paris—and I finally got to shop in Milan!—oh, hey—"

Lily interrupted her friend's enthusiastic babble. "Whoa, whoa, hold it right there." She held up her hands, shaking with laughter. "You'll have to wait after I get back from the prefects' carriage. I need to give them the usual instructions, and find out who the Head Boy is, too. You don't have any idea who he is, do you?"

Anne's blue eyes flashed with something that resembled amusement. "Oh, no, I guess you'd better go and see. I'm gonna find Emmeline, meet you in our usual carriage, 'kay?" Without waiting for Lily's reply, she whirled around to hunt for Emmeline Vance.

Lily shook her head. Typical Anne. They'd been friends since forever so her carefree manner didn't faze Lily at all. Sighing, she headed towards the prefects' carriage, mentally running through the list of things she would talk about to the younger prefects and thinking about the possible Head Boy. It could be Remus Lupin; even though he was a Marauder, Hogwarts' resident troublemakers, he still seemed the perfect candidate for a heavy responsibility…

Lily slid the carriage door opened, bracing herself. Turned out she didn't brace herself enough. When she stepped in, expecting to meet the Head Boy, she saw…

"James Potter! What the _hell_ are you doing here?!"

Potter smirked, which irritated Lily even more. "Well, Lily darling, that's a _very _interesting question. You see…"

"Get to the point. And don't call me that ever again if you don't want to be an endangered species." Lily snapped, her fingers inching stealthily to the pocket of her robes. Oh, how she longed to just curse him and get over it. But noooo, she just had to have a conscience. And Professor Dumbledore just had to make her Head Girl.

Just then, a sudden realization hit her. There would be only one reason Potter was lounging around the prefects' carriage. Only one reason which, to Lily, was the equivalent of facing the Cruciatus Curse.

"Oh, damn," She whispered, feeling a sudden tightening in her chest as she spotted a gleaming badge on his robes. Potter caught that and ran a hand through his jet-black hair, grinning.

"Yes, Lily dar—I mean Evans. You are in for the adventure of the century. With me!" Potter laughed maniacally, and was still doing so when a couple of Ravenclaw prefects walked in. They looked at him cautiously and settled on a seat farthest from him.

He saw that and shut up. It was Lily's turn to smirk. "Hmm…I'm bored, Lily dar—Evans. Want to help me come up with new pranks?" He suggested, his eyes hinting at mischief.

Lily scowled. "I would've thought you being Head Boy would make you behave properly."

James smirked. "You thought wrong. Now, what do you say about bewitching the Sorting Hat? Oh, great idea, how come we didn't think of that one before? Okay, I need to fine-tune that plan but rest assured I'll get that ready before Sorting."

Lily snorted under her breath. "Rest assured—HAH! As if anyone would, with your diabolical mind thinking up all sorts of crazy things. At any rate, I doubt you'll be able to bewitch the Sorting Hat."

James looked at her, his eyes gleaming with the challenge she unintentionally hinted with her tone. "We'll see…"

Lily groaned.

* * *

James strode into the compartment where Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were sprawled around in. He needed advice—and fast.

Remus looked up from his _Daily Prophet_. "Hi, James."

Peter looked up from his Chocolate Frogs. "Hey, Zhaymsh." He spluttered unintelligibly.

Sirius looked up from…wherever he was looking at before. "Hey, mate. You didn't walk over completely to the dark side, did you?" He tossed aside his dark hair expertly, revealing his bored expression.

James rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to answer, but didn't get to reply as Anne Wells came up from behind him at that very moment.

"Hey, guys," She greeted them cheerfully. "Sirius, you do realize you seem…girly doing that, right?"

Sirius scowled at her, while the others burst out laughing. "No, Anne, I never realized that until you so very helpfully pointed it out. I didn't realize you were so observant. What are you doing here, anyway?"

Anne smiled innocently at them. "Oh, you know, just checking in. So, how're things, guys?" she sauntered casually in the compartment and settled down beside Sirius without invitation.

James smirked. "Where's Evans? I must say I got a kick—and a prank—out of that one."

Anne laughed, a tinkling-bell-ish sound. Despite her flawless façade, she was one of the most mischievous girls James met, which was probably why they'd been best friends since birth. That situation became a bit awkward since they'd started Hogwarts, as Lily and Anne immediately became friends and James started to like Lily and all…

"What's your next evil plan for winning Little Miss Lily Evans, Potter?" Anne asked, a knowing smile playing around her lips.

James grinned back. Anne read him so well, it was scary. "How d'you know my next prank involves Li—Evans?"

"Yeah, Wells. You read Prongs so well, it's scary." Sirius piped up.

James gaped at Sirius. How did he know? Well, another scary thing to watch out for, his being on the same wavelength with Padfoot.

"Well, Sherlock Holmes, it's just that James is one of the most predictable people on this planet, what with his being Lily-obsessed and all…" Anne explained, an overly patient air about her.

"I am NOT!" James countered.

"You are too!" Anne insisted.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Who's Sherlock?" Peter wondered.

"He's smarter than Potter would ever be, I'd give him that!" Anne replied gleefully. James made to lunge at her, but Anne slipped out the door quickly. Then she dashed back as quickly as she had before.

"Oh, and James, I look forward to seeing your new prank fail." She added and flitted off before James could get his hands on her.

James growled. That little—

"So, what was your plan, James? Out to bewitch the Sorting Hat into singing a love song for Lily?" Remus cut in before he could finish the thought.

James' jaw dropped open. Okay, this was becoming a bit…more than frightening. Since when did Remus and Sirius develop the ability to read minds? "Er—yeah, actually. How did you know?" He replied, struggling to sound casual.

Sirius, Remus and Peter smirked. "Predictable."

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**A/N: **I know, I know, I haven't updated my other story for a VERY long time, but I discovered writer's block could be limited to one fanfic only. This isn't my best work, but I'm just so stressed out right now! **:evil teachers:** But, don't worry, I'm working out an outline for these things I create and call stories. It gets better, I swear.

Please review!

So, until next update,

J.


	2. The Sorting Hat's Serenade

**A/N: **Word for the Day: S-O-R-R-Y  
Sorry, sorry, sorry! I haven't updated in a very long time…Sorry! I'm castigating myself over here. I actually didn't know what to do with this story, so I kind of left it to simmer a little. Then, at 12:23 in the a.m., I got this AHA moment. But I couldn't start it until after English and Computer exams (last exams which are going to be the death of me when I find out how low I got). But we _are_ on a school break now, so here...

Hey, a million thanks to **Jasmin**, **RadicalReason**, **Lucy, Katie **and** Danielle** for reviewing! Reviews make my day! **:cookies being packed and shipped off to your doorstep this very evening. Or morning, depending on where in the world you live. Time zones are so confusing, ain't they?:**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter because I am not J.K. Rowling and Jo owns Harry Potter. Anyway, if she DOESN'T own Harry Potter, which she does, she couldn't sell the books which she wrote. But if she wrote the books, therefore, she DOES own them, which makes Harry Potter un-claimable by anyone else.

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Chapter 2: The Sorting Hat's Serenade

"Oh, my, my, my…" Anne murmured amusedly as she, Lily and Emmeline were entering the Great Hall.

"What?" Lily asked suspiciously. Whatever the source of Anne's amusement was, it must've had something to do with Potter's prank on the Sorting Hat. It really aggravated her that her close friend was also Potter's best friend—and that Anne didn't annihilate him a long time ago. Plus, Anne didn't have that much inclination to stop them from the evil plots their evil minds churned up with. In fact, she seemed to consider them entertainment.

Anne just smiled angelically.

"Savannah Marie Wells," Emmeline pronounced, dragging out Anne's full name. "You are keeping something from us and I intend to know just what it is."

Anne shook her head. "No, no, darlings. I won't spoil the surprise for you. Come on, let's sit down already." She flounced off towards the Gryffindor table, leaving a frustrated Lily and a bemused Emmeline.

Just then, Professor McGonagall, deputy headmistress and Transfiguration teacher, swept in the Great Hall, causing a near commotion as the students scrambled for seats at their respective tables. She brought in a stool and an extremely tattered and frayed hat. She'd just set the stool at the front of the room, with the Sorting Hat on top of it, when a resounding BANG echoed throughout the Hall as the doors opened again. The Marauders stood there, framed by the doorway.

"Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew!" Professor McGonagall barked, pointing her wand at them dangerously. "In your seats! Instantaneously!"

Sirius stepped forward. "As you wish, milady." He articulated, bowing with a flourish. Then he led the other Marauders to their fellow Gryffindors.

Lily blinked. She wasn't sure about what she'd seen, but it definitely looked like James discreetly pointing his wand at the Sorting Hat and whispering a spell. She stole a fleeting glance at Anne, who was futilely trying to hide a grin.

"What-is-going-on?" Lily hissed at her friend through gritted teeth.

Anne rolled her eyes. "Quit the Head Girl act, Lils. Don't be so uptight, it's just a bit of fun."

"Fun? Potter's Head Boy, he's supposed to set an example! Look now, he'll get in trouble and term hasn't even started yet." Lily seethed. "Oh, just wait until I get my hands on him, he'll be sorry he ever—"

Whatever Lily was going to say was cut off as the Professor McGonagall hushed the students with a bang from her wand. Then the Sorting Hat opened its mouth.

Lily and the rest of Hogwarts sat agape as the Sorting Hat screeched out what _seemed_ like a rendition of 'Bleeding Love.' A _really_ bad rendition of 'Bleeding Love'—with Leona Lewis sounding like she was on happy pills.

* * *

As they left the Great Hall, herded by an irate Professor McGonagall and an indifferent Professor Dumbledore, James could hear the Sorting Hat still belting out with all the force of nature. He stifled a snicker, although he was frustrated because his plan backfired.

"So," Professor McGonagall hissed out through gritted teeth. Her nostrils were flaring and her mouth as thin as it could go. "You thought it was _funny_ to express your feelings for Ms. Lily Evans through causing a commotion in the Great Hall and cursing a particularly valuable magical object, didn't you?"

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter gulped, sure they were in Trouble with a capital T. Suddenly, Dumbledore grinned a twinkling-eyed grin. Major weirdness.

"I have never seen a student bewitch the Sorting Hat before. It is a most powerful magical object and cannot be bamboozled easily. Twenty points to Gryffindor for that amusing trick, boys." Professor Dumbledore turned around and started to stroll down the corridor, humming tunelessly to himself, while the Marauders and Professor McGonagall stared after him, mouths agape.

Suddenly, he stopped short and, without ever looking back at them, announced. "Mr. Lupin, please run off and tell Miss Evans that I would like to meet her at my office. And you too, Mr. Potter. There are some…topics I want to discuss. Please follow me."

Remus set off obediently at once. James stared at the other Marauders. They stared back at him blankly, other than Professor McGonagall, who motioned ever so subtly for him to follow the headmaster—and fast.

James nodded a quick good-bye to his friends and turned to follow the humming headmaster to his office.

* * *

James sat in a frozen state of horror, staring at the headmaster.

Lily felt pretty much the same. She took a deep breath, willing herself to avoid hyperventilation. Professor Dumbledore just sat there calmly, probably humming The Song That Never Ends to himself or something.

She must've misheard. Professor Dumbledore must've just put James in a year-long detention and laid down a new law: "Thou shall not go within a 100-meter radius of Lily Evans." Hah.

No, he CANNOT have said the dreaded words: "As Head Boy and Girl, you are given the privilege to live in the Heads' dormitory for your final year in Hogwarts." NOOOOOOO! Stuck in a bloody room with the cretin for the rest of her whole school year? A funeral scene flashed in her mind.

_They were sheltered under a canopy, rain pouring outside relentlessly. James lay inside a white casket, unnaturally still. His friends and family surrounded him, all wearing somber black and sobbing…all except for a certain red-haired girl standing at the edge of the group, concealing her ecstasy with an appropriately grave expression…_

"Miss Evans? Are you all right?" Lily realized Professor Dumbledore and Potter were both peering at her in bewilderment. She snapped out of her daydream and returned to the matter at hand.

"Oh, yes, yes, sure." Lily mumbled in embarrassment. She hoped she didn't say any of her thoughts out loud. Much as she might want to kill James Potter, she doubted Professor Dumbledore was that tolerant.

The headmaster nodded briskly, making no more inquiries on why his Head Girl was acting spacey all of a sudden. "As I was saying, there will be two bedrooms with baths for each of you. You will also have a common room and eat meals in the Great Hall. Is that clear?"

The two Head Students murmured their assent.

Professor Dumbledore got to his feet. "Very well, then, let us proceed to your dormitory."

Lily and James also got up and followed Dumbledore out of his office and to a gold-framed forest portrait on the seventh floor, depicting a stag and a doe. He stopped and turned to face them. "Only you two and the professors can open this entrance. Just run your hand along the frame and knock twice." Then he went on to demonstrate.

The portrait door swung open noiselessly, and Professor Dumbledore climbed in the portrait hole, motioning for Lily and James to follow.

As soon as Lily straightened and had taken stock of her surroundings, her jaw dropped. The room they were in, which Lily took as the common room, was elegantly furnished with contrasting beige and navy blue tones, complete with a bookcase stocked with voluminous books. There was a spiral staircase in one corner of the room, which the headmaster was ascending just now. The Head Boy and Girl followed, taking in the appearance of their new residence.

At the top of the staircase, Lily saw two open doors, revealing two differently themed bedrooms. One was bright and roomy, decorated with off-white colors: beige, cream, caramel …Lily fell in love with the room immediately. She glanced at the other one and spotted Potter lounging on the red-and-gold bed in a similarly colored room.

"House pride much, Potter?" Lily asked, smirking.

"Hey, you gotta love Gryffindor." James protested with a grin. Lily rolled her eyes.

"It seems you two are already settled. I must attend to other matters right now." Professor Dumbledore glanced pointedly at James as he said 'other matters' and James, at least, had the decency to look abashed. The headmaster descended the staircase, chuckling.

Lily entered her own bedroom. Her trunk was already in it, at the foot of a four-poster bed larger than her other one at her former dormitory. She instantly felt lonely at the thought that she would be spending her time in here without her best friends, forced to be with Potter instead.

"Hey, Evans!" James yelled from his room.

On the other hand…

Lily smiled at the thought of increased opportunities of executing The Assassination of James Potter.

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**A/N: **I don't know why I bothered putting this here.

Until next update,

J.


	3. Changing the Surname

**Disclaimer:** Really, no one in this site owns Harry Potter. So sue me. No, wait, don't.

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Chapter 3: Changing the Surname

Anne froze, staring at the Quidditch field in total confusion. It had turned into a freaking flower garden! The Marauders were standing at the edge of the patch of ground covered by huge lilies with gleeful and satisfied grins on their faces.

Being best friends with James Potter had required Anne to develop prank radar, which was constantly on alert. And alert it was. This was _so_ not going to be pretty.

"James! In case you've forgotten, the greenhouses are _way_ over there." Anne reminded them, jerking her head behind her.

Sirius smirked. "A good morning to you, too, Wells."

"Shut it, Black. So, what's the trick?" Anne asked briskly, turning to James.

James frowned. "How come you always know when—?"

"Prank radar, Jamesie darling, prank radar. So, care to explain to your bfwiccahymw?"

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter blinked.

So Anne blinked back.

Blinking contest ensued.

"My what?" James looked dumbfounded. The others were wearing similar expressions.

"Best friend who is currently clueless about how your minds work." Anne explained with the patient air of a preschool teacher explaining to an overly dramatic toddler that one and one make two. "What else would it be?"

"I would not want to know." Peter muttered dryly, busy trying out spells on a nearby lily, the poor thing.

"Anyway, what is going on?" Anne hissed, her stance challenging the boys to deny her vital information.

James rolled his eyes. "It was Sirius here who suggested it when—"

Sirius cut in. "I did not. James wanted to know how to make Lily notice—"

Anne sighed. Nothing would be gotten from those two as long as they were going at it. "Remus."

"James asked for ideas on how to woo Lily and I told him to just give her flowers. Perhaps they went a little overboard with that one."

"A _little_ overboard, yes." Anne replied acerbically. "And Lily's going to be _slightly_ hysterical, right?"

"Right." Remus' answer was just as wry.

James perked up at the mention of his beloved's name. "I'll get Lily; you stay here and guard our pièce de résistance, whatever that means."

Not going to be pretty at all.

* * *

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" An annoyingly peppy voice penetrated Lily's consciousness. Make that an annoyingly peppy _male_ voice. On a very early Saturday morning. In a flash, Lily sat bolt upright in bed, pointing her wand at James Potter.

"Whoa, aggressive much in the morning, aren't we?" He commented, holding up his hands and backing up a few steps. Maybe there _was_ some gray matter in that overinflated head of his, after all. Still…

Lily pulled out her heavy sword and advanced towards James Potter. When she got near enough, she lifted it and drove it through James' heart, thus killing him and removing a great scum from the earth.

Well, no, not really. Back to the story.

"Get out of my room, Potter!" Lily shrieked, never letting down her wand.

James smirked and struck a pose, leaning against the doorframe. "Savannah's waiting for you. Be quick about it, she's threatening to storm in here."

"She's going to kill you if she finds out." Lily muttered, slowly getting out of bed. Not that that would be unpleasant, really. Maybe she should let Anne know but there are those things with messengers… "She hates that name."

"It reminds me of that neurotic aunt of hers." James looked amused and reminiscent at the same time, a look Anne often had when she remembered the past pranks she'd pulled.

Lily dug in her trunk for her bathrobe. "Exactly. Now get out, I'm taking a shower."

A sly smile spread across James' face. "Need any help?" Scratch that thing about gray matter.

Lily grabbed her wand and shot a spell at James. He ducked away and it shattered a painting hanging outside on the wall. "Damn, it didn't get him." Lily muttered, repairing the painting quickly and taking aim again.

Laughing, James scurried away, leaving Lily seething behind him.

* * *

This guy was really demented. First he'd woken her up at an ungodly hour of the morning. Then he'd dragged her to the Quidditch pitch where Anne and his friends stood looking at a patch of—wait, were those lilies growing from the ground? Then he'd handed her a broom and proceeded to stare at her expectantly.

"What?" Lily asked, seriously nonplussed.

"That, my dear," Anne spoke up, her tone an interesting combination of perky and tart. "Is his acutely pathetic idea of 'courting' you. Just ride up in the air, look down at that atrocious flower garden and you'll find the answer."

Courting?! What the hell? Lily would've stormed away, not before hitting Potter, but curiosity got the better of her. So she made a new plan of action. Check out the monstrosity, rack Potter and split.

Lily strode away from the others hesitantly and took off in the air. Despite her aversion to anything even remotely related to Potter, she had quite passable flying skills. She looked down from the air and saw, with trepidation, the words spelled out by the lilies on the ground.

LILY POTTER

Damn it, she was really going to find a way to slaughter him without ending up in Azkaban.

She headed for the ground and landed right in front of the prat. "James Potter." She enunciated, throwing aside the broomstick and stepping up to him.

Flower Boy looked hopeful. "Yes, my darling Lily?" He breathed, looking down at her.

"Scram. Get out of my life, Potter."

"B-but…"

She brought up her knee, hitting him where it would hurt the most spot on. He doubled over in pain whilst Remus, Peter, Sirius and Anne doubled over in laughter. "Have I made my point clear?" Lily shot at him.

Potter winced. "You didn't have to do that." He griped.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Just trying to get the message through and it appears that wouldn't sink in your brain. So I tried another body part instead."

James looked at her pleadingly. "So go to Hogsmeade with me today?" He inquired.

Okay. So said message still hadn't seeped in. Lily had to get out of there before she went insane. "When the Giant Squid has legs." She muttered. What had she done to deserve this hell of a traumatic existence?

James' eyes lit up instantly. "Really?" he went right up to Lily, which was pretty brave of him, considering she'd just racked him.

"No!" Lily screamed. "Never will I ever go out with you even when the Giant Squid, miraculously I might add, gains legs." She spun around and strode to the direction of the castle. Bloody wanker. She wondered how long she would be able to survive if the rest of the year progressed with pretty much the same situations. She would run out of suitable insults to call him then.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter is quite short and the quality is not quite what I wanted but I'm finishing this before we go on our trip to a godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere—which means no internet connection for me for a few days. Yay.

Kudos to **bamboobasket** for the sword thing idea. Seriously, B, you should write a humor fanfic sometime. And review my stories instead of copying and pasting parts during IM conversations.

Thanks to **Carola-x** and **RadicalReason** for reviewing! For those who read but didn't, Reader Traffic (aka I'm watching)! Any reviews? Pretty please?

'Til next chapter, everyone,

J.


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